Having The Confidence

I've blogged before about how frustrating it is to write, and write, and write and never see it go anywhere. About how my drafts kept stalling out halfway through, and Shiny New Idea Syndrome took over and pulled me in another direction.

This isn't going to be about that. Because I've kicked Shiny New Idea Syndrome in the bottom.

My manuscript is done. It's polished. It's in the hands of some final beta readers and I'm itching with a mixture of impatience and worry at the thought of querying. I have everything an agent could ask for: query, synopsis, etc. Everything is done, and all that's left is getting things back from my beta reads and actually querying.

That's where needing the confidence comes in. I'm genuinely terrified every time I share my work, even with my trusted group of CP's (who are the single best group of ladies on the planet, and definitely shouldn't be nerve inducing.) And I'm nine or ten times more terrified to share it with actual industry professionals. I don't know if it's a lack of confidence in myself, or my book, or my ability to make it through this without going COMPLETELY GREY. But it sucks. It sucks worrying that what you've written isn't good enough to impress the way it must in order to get published.

So this week, and next, I'm working on my confidence. And my New Years resolution will be to keep working, and becoming the strongest writer that I can possibly be. This is my dream. I just need the confidence to make it happen.

Happy Holidays everyone. <3 p="">

Megan

Want To Hear About My Week? DO YOU?

Well ok, since you asked… :-)

In my last post I talked about obsessively refreshing everything Pitch Wars related. Counting down the days to December 11th was getting really, really stressful. (By the way, I have NO IDEA how I'm going to query without going completely grey. AT 24!)

So on Tuesday I decided to stop looking at Twitter and stop checking my email. It was the day before the reveal and I was tired of my stomach being in five thousand knots. And I didn't actually change my mind a few minutes later! Which is strange, because my willpower is basically nonexistent.

ANNYWAY, I sat online, chatting with my CP's most of the morning, and they were all:

"I've been checking #Pitchwars every few minutes, and I didn't even enter. I don't know how you're not looking at it."

I made a smiley face and kept editing.

"Megan, are you excited? It's tomorrow!"

Another smiley face. And kept editing. (At this point I thought I was being pretty cool. I entered the contest and my CP's were freaking about it more than I was! Score!)

Then, "Megan, something is happening on Twitter."

I chewed on my lip.

"WHAT?!?!? They're talking about a reveal, Megan! Are they going to announce the winners a day early?"

Surely not, right? I mean, why would they do that? Why would Brenda Drake, in all her awesomeness, suddenly decide to put us all out of our misery?

"They're saying something is going to happen in 5-10 minutes!!!"

I closed out of EVERYTHING and opened Twitter. Sure enough dozens of mentors were tweeting about SOMETHING happening in a few minutes. There was talk of the "surprise" being delayed, and I paced back and forth nervously refreshing every few seconds.

And, all in all, I still thought I was being pretty cool about it. I mean, I hadn't reduced to a crumble of Megan in the corner of my living room, rocking back and forth like a crazy person.

That was a bonus right?

Then Twitter exploded with links to Brenda Drake's newest blog post. This one. The one revealing all the mentor picks. And as I scrolled and scrolled, looking for the four I submitted to, my heart raced, my palms sweat all over the keyboard, and my feet danced around like a toddler avoiding the bathroom.

And there it was. 1st alternate to Megan Whitmer! Who is lovely, and helpful, and quite possibly the nicest person ever!

Right about then, when I saw my name in that 1st alternate slot, I lost my cool.

It was a little something like this:

Minion kind of happiness, mixed with an extremely embarrassing happy dance, that THANKFULLY nobody could see. From what I hear there were 2700 Pitch Wars submissions, and based on feedback from the other mentors I submitted to, I made it to the top 10 with 3 out of 4. Something I never, ever expected to be able to do.

The rest of my week paled in comparison to Tuesday, even though I got another 30 or so Twitter followers including a few that made me crazy-smile. The validation that what I'm doing and what I'm creating my actually go somewhere, and isn't a huge waste of my time, is so priceless I can't even describe it. And I wish that for anyone who hasn't felt that yet, as well as high five everyone who has. 

It's the best feeling in the world.

Megan.

Pitch Wars!!

Ok, so I wasn't going to blog about this. Not because I didn't want to, but I didn't think I'd have the time! I'm currently in my hotel room outside of Disneyland, and this week has been as fun as it has been exhausting. We don't head back until Saturday, and it's a two day drive. Blurg.

BUT, I entered Pitch Wars on Monday, and have been obsessively refreshing my email and Twitter feed every few minutes while I wait in those huge lines for the roller coasters. (I love me some Space Mountain.)

And surprisingly, I'm not being as neurotic about it as I thought. Am I stalking the four mentors on Twitter to see if any of their vague tweets apply to me? Yes, yes I am. Do I refresh my email 100 times a day? Of course. Downing antacids like jellybeans? You betcha!

But I'm relatively calm otherwise. I even forget there's people with my chapters sometimes, maybe even for a whole hour, before I scramble for my phone again and refresh everything. ;-)

I know. I'm a bit of a mess. I like it that way though. Makes life interesting.

Did you enter Pitch Wars? Get any requests? TELL ME, I want to know!

Megan.