Having The Confidence

I've blogged before about how frustrating it is to write, and write, and write and never see it go anywhere. About how my drafts kept stalling out halfway through, and Shiny New Idea Syndrome took over and pulled me in another direction.

This isn't going to be about that. Because I've kicked Shiny New Idea Syndrome in the bottom.

My manuscript is done. It's polished. It's in the hands of some final beta readers and I'm itching with a mixture of impatience and worry at the thought of querying. I have everything an agent could ask for: query, synopsis, etc. Everything is done, and all that's left is getting things back from my beta reads and actually querying.

That's where needing the confidence comes in. I'm genuinely terrified every time I share my work, even with my trusted group of CP's (who are the single best group of ladies on the planet, and definitely shouldn't be nerve inducing.) And I'm nine or ten times more terrified to share it with actual industry professionals. I don't know if it's a lack of confidence in myself, or my book, or my ability to make it through this without going COMPLETELY GREY. But it sucks. It sucks worrying that what you've written isn't good enough to impress the way it must in order to get published.

So this week, and next, I'm working on my confidence. And my New Years resolution will be to keep working, and becoming the strongest writer that I can possibly be. This is my dream. I just need the confidence to make it happen.

Happy Holidays everyone. <3 p="">

Megan

Want To Hear About My Week? DO YOU?

Well ok, since you asked… :-)

In my last post I talked about obsessively refreshing everything Pitch Wars related. Counting down the days to December 11th was getting really, really stressful. (By the way, I have NO IDEA how I'm going to query without going completely grey. AT 24!)

So on Tuesday I decided to stop looking at Twitter and stop checking my email. It was the day before the reveal and I was tired of my stomach being in five thousand knots. And I didn't actually change my mind a few minutes later! Which is strange, because my willpower is basically nonexistent.

ANNYWAY, I sat online, chatting with my CP's most of the morning, and they were all:

"I've been checking #Pitchwars every few minutes, and I didn't even enter. I don't know how you're not looking at it."

I made a smiley face and kept editing.

"Megan, are you excited? It's tomorrow!"

Another smiley face. And kept editing. (At this point I thought I was being pretty cool. I entered the contest and my CP's were freaking about it more than I was! Score!)

Then, "Megan, something is happening on Twitter."

I chewed on my lip.

"WHAT?!?!? They're talking about a reveal, Megan! Are they going to announce the winners a day early?"

Surely not, right? I mean, why would they do that? Why would Brenda Drake, in all her awesomeness, suddenly decide to put us all out of our misery?

"They're saying something is going to happen in 5-10 minutes!!!"

I closed out of EVERYTHING and opened Twitter. Sure enough dozens of mentors were tweeting about SOMETHING happening in a few minutes. There was talk of the "surprise" being delayed, and I paced back and forth nervously refreshing every few seconds.

And, all in all, I still thought I was being pretty cool about it. I mean, I hadn't reduced to a crumble of Megan in the corner of my living room, rocking back and forth like a crazy person.

That was a bonus right?

Then Twitter exploded with links to Brenda Drake's newest blog post. This one. The one revealing all the mentor picks. And as I scrolled and scrolled, looking for the four I submitted to, my heart raced, my palms sweat all over the keyboard, and my feet danced around like a toddler avoiding the bathroom.

And there it was. 1st alternate to Megan Whitmer! Who is lovely, and helpful, and quite possibly the nicest person ever!

Right about then, when I saw my name in that 1st alternate slot, I lost my cool.

It was a little something like this:

Minion kind of happiness, mixed with an extremely embarrassing happy dance, that THANKFULLY nobody could see. From what I hear there were 2700 Pitch Wars submissions, and based on feedback from the other mentors I submitted to, I made it to the top 10 with 3 out of 4. Something I never, ever expected to be able to do.

The rest of my week paled in comparison to Tuesday, even though I got another 30 or so Twitter followers including a few that made me crazy-smile. The validation that what I'm doing and what I'm creating my actually go somewhere, and isn't a huge waste of my time, is so priceless I can't even describe it. And I wish that for anyone who hasn't felt that yet, as well as high five everyone who has. 

It's the best feeling in the world.

Megan.

Pitch Wars!!

Ok, so I wasn't going to blog about this. Not because I didn't want to, but I didn't think I'd have the time! I'm currently in my hotel room outside of Disneyland, and this week has been as fun as it has been exhausting. We don't head back until Saturday, and it's a two day drive. Blurg.

BUT, I entered Pitch Wars on Monday, and have been obsessively refreshing my email and Twitter feed every few minutes while I wait in those huge lines for the roller coasters. (I love me some Space Mountain.)

And surprisingly, I'm not being as neurotic about it as I thought. Am I stalking the four mentors on Twitter to see if any of their vague tweets apply to me? Yes, yes I am. Do I refresh my email 100 times a day? Of course. Downing antacids like jellybeans? You betcha!

But I'm relatively calm otherwise. I even forget there's people with my chapters sometimes, maybe even for a whole hour, before I scramble for my phone again and refresh everything. ;-)

I know. I'm a bit of a mess. I like it that way though. Makes life interesting.

Did you enter Pitch Wars? Get any requests? TELL ME, I want to know!

Megan.

Pitch Wars and the SUCKY-NESS OF QUERIES

Hello all!

So a friend of mine suggested I try participating in Pitch Wars this year. So I checked out the site, and looked through all the mentors, and then realized the submission day (December 2nd) I'd be in Disneyland.

Of course, this resulted in a crazy, rush-to-get-everything-ready sort of frenzy that I'm still in the middle of. It is ridiculously difficult to chase around two children, write enough words for Nano, critique for my group, AND write my first ever query letter. That's right. I've never written a query before.

And you know what? IT SUCKS. I listened for so long about people "diving into the query trenches" and "drowning in query hell" and I shuddered and thought "Man, I hope it's not that hard for me."

Ah the naiveté of youth. It is hard. It's very hard. It's so hard I want to rip all my hair out and light it on fire. (Okay, BIG exaggeration there, but you get my point.)

And it's scary. To know you're summing everything you love about the thousands and thousands of words that make up your novel into two tiny paragraphs? It sucks! A LOT. And anyone who tells you otherwise is crazy.

Crazy eyed Nicholas Cage kind of nutballs

So after four days of panic, I think I have a somewhat workable query. Though, it's so not what I want it to be, and I don't know it that's possible. In fact, I know it's not. Because I want it to be perfect, and there's no such thing as a perfect query, much like there's no such thing as a perfect book.

And if anyone is interested, this is what I came up with:

Seventeen-year-old Olivia has one goal: to get her overstressed mother through the station before the train to Charlotte leaves without her. But when she’s inexplicably drawn to the back corner of the terminal and her feet move toward the farthest train without her permission, she panics. An invisible force rips her thorough the crowds and yanks her inside, where the walls bleed, floors vanish, and passengers’ worst fears manifest to the soundtrack of bloodcurdling screams. A place no one has escaped in more than a hundred years. 

After narrowly fending off a psychotic old woman with an oozing, bloody scalp, Olivia is swept into the care of the other passengers. While most are warm and friendly, Richard, their handsome leader, greets her with nothing but disdain, insisting that once you enter the Blood Train there's no escape. Olivia must adapt or die, in a place where her wit and right hook aren’t always enough to keep her safe. 

It soon becomes clear the others won’t risk their lives to find an exit they don’t believe exists, leaving Olivia to figure it out on her own. But her mission is quickly complicated by stolen, guilt-ridden kisses with Richard, and attempts on her life. Someone wants her dead and will go to great lengths to see that she doesn’t figure out the secrets of the train. With only Richard at her side, she prepares to make a run for it, when an explosion sends everyone running for their lives. To save herself and those she’s grown to love, Olivia has to conquer everything—including her own heart.

What do you guys think? Not terrible, maybe. And it's only my… fifteenth draft. Ugh. Kill me now.

Do you have query trench horror stories? Are you participating in Pitch Wars? Tell me, tell me!

Toodles!

Megan.

Nano, or No No?

I've been trying so hard to meet all my goals so I can participate in Nano again this year. My current WIP is very slow going, but it's coming out well I think. Unfortunately, in order to finish this in time to start my next idea on November 1st I need to write about two and half chapters a week from now until then.

Obviously, having two children under the age of 5, and everyone's birthdays basically happening in a two week span from the end of September to the beginning of October, complicates things.

Normally, my writing habits tend to result in about 2,000 words a night. If that were the case with this story I'd have no problem at all. But, I'm closer to 200 words a night, if anything at all.

So I'm in need of some drafting luck. I'm sending out all kinds of good vibes to anyone who happens to read about my time crunch struggle, and I'm sincerely hoping you are eagerly anticipating your Nano experience, rather than worrying about it.

Toodles!

Megan.

Self Doubt

I hate second guessing myself. But, as a writer, it's impossible to avoid. I have this vicious cycle that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to break.

I'm drafting, I'm smiling, the world looks so full of hope because this is the one. This is the story that I'll stick with. After giving up on my last project for (insert excuse) this will be the one that makes it to the dreaded query trenches.

And then I start re-reading what I've written, and that hopeful world I've been living in comes crashing down around me. Don't mess with self doubt. It'll kick you in your lady nards and leave you crying in a huddled ball.

Why can't we just write, and be proud of what we're creating? I think every writer on this planet can understand what I'm talking about. Why is it our first instinct to say everything sucks? Chances are, it's not as bad as you think. I mean, if you spend thirty hours carefully planning out every twist and turn, what are the chances you have un-fixable plot holes? If you've revised three times, it probably doesn't deserve to be burned in the fireplace—no matter how badly you want to. And no matter what you're working on, throwing that computer against the wall is never, never the answer.

And yet, this is me, slipping into that deep dark place, four chapters into yet ANOTHER re-write of The Blood Train.

On the upside, I have the most amazing set of ladies in my critique group to pull me up out of that dark place. I'd be lost and very unproductive without them. So maybe the cure for self doubt is wonderful support...


Toodles,

Megan.

Getting Past The Major Cuts

Ok, so I'm relatively new at this editing thing. It's taken me a really long time to find a story I loved enough to finish, never mind edit.

You could call this a call to anyone who's got some editing experience. I need advice and I'll take it from just about anyone at this point.

My question is this: How do you get past that point where you feel like deleting thousands of words- or whole chapters- is necessary? At some point the big stuff has to end right? At some point I should move past this and start tweaking the little stuff, but I can't shake that feeling that I have to re-write the ending (which I've done twice) or the beginning (seven times) or reverse the order of chapter 3 and 4, etc. I can't seem to move past the big stuff.

Any tips? I know it can't be as screwed up as I think it is, especially since I've been working on it for two years and I'm in my second round of editing.

Do I just keep going until I realize the big "issues" are all gone?

Do I take a break from the chapter re-arranging and move on to little things for a while to get perspective?"

Am I completely losing my mind?

I'll answer that, I totally am.

Help??

A Day For Critique Partners

As a person who has probably abused my own critique partners with endless questions and drafts, I think we're missing a very important day. We celebrate dead Presidents for running our country, parents for raising us, best friends for supporting us, and Columbus... who mistook America for another continent entirely. 

At the very least critique partners should have a day before that guy. Right?

So here's a call to every writer out there who has ever valued that perfect stranger who became a fan and a friend at the same time. Here's to hours spent on someone else's labor of love. For all the advice, encouragement, tips, and opinions. If you have someone like this, you should make your own Day for Critique Partners. It doesn't matter what day it is, just pick a day and make sure they know they're valued.

Because without them... where would we be?

Here's mine. I know it's been a while, but I'd like to send a huge thank you to Lena and Celeste, wherever you are out there in the world. Thank you for everything.

Megan.

My Favorite Things About Writing

1. Creating new worlds.

2. Falling in love with my characters.

3. Making my characters falling in love with each other.

4. Having an excuse to blare music with noise cancelling headphones.

5. First kisses.

6. Wrapping up in a blanket, with my laptop, and a cup of tea.


7. Wracking my brain for tender romantic gestures.

8. Researching random things like the origins of wolfsbane, top speeds in various Maserati models, and the average temperature in different states in July.

9. Erasing parts I'm unsure of, and replacing them with parts I love.

10. Waking up in the middle of the night to write ideas down.

What are your favorite things about writing??

Where Does The Time Go?

To this day, I have no idea how I spend all the minutes of my day. Being a stay at home mom should have its perks, I should be able to take a second to write, or bake a cake, or fold some laundry, or, you know, eat?

Anyone that says it must be easy staying at home with your kids, has no idea what they're talking about. I wake up and think "Ok, today I've got to fold that huge pile of laundry, put it away, clean the kitchen, dust that horribly dirty entertainment center, and give the dog a bath." Five things that, when done from start to finish would only take me about an hour or two.

But instead, it goes a little like this:

Wake up.
Change baby's diaper
Open Preschoolers curtains
Turn off his nightlight
Pour cereal
Let the dog out
Make a piece of toast
Put a few dishes in the dishwasher
Let the dog back in
Turn on cartoons
Fold three or four shirts
Clean up spilled milk
Mix up some baby food
Clean off the baby's face, and hands, and elbows... and everything else
Fold a few more shirts, or pants, or whatever
Change another diaper
Grab a granola bar for the preschooler
Put in a kiddie movie
Finish folding the clothes
Yell at preschooler to stop climbing on the dog
Convince him to take a pile of his jeans to his room
Throw a few more plates in the dishwasher
Time for more baby food
Baby takes a nap, toddler starts jumping on the couch
Baby wakes up screaming in terror
Twenty minutes to calm the baby down
Ten minutes of Preschooler time out.
Let the dog out again
Peanut butter sandwich, or grilled cheese, or chicken nuggets, or soup for the preschooler
Wipe down kitchen counters
Change diaper
Rush another pile of clothes up the stairs
Wait for baby to fall asleep... she never does
Give up on giving the dog a bath
Lay on the floor with the baby so she gets some tummy time without screaming her head off
Switch the movie for the preschooler
Back to the floor
Yell at the dog to get off the preschooler
Yell at the preschooler to get off the dog
Send the dog outside, and the preschooler upstairs
Grab a quick sandwich for me to eat, first thing all day
Sit on the couch with the computer, trying to write for a few minutes, and spend the whole time listening to the preschooler explain why he only likes red and green gummy bears
Change another diaper
Make dinner, running back and forth between food and the baby until it's finished
Say a quick hello to The Husband when he gets home
Wipe up the stove and throw the leftovers in the fridge
Play Trouble with the preschooler
Nag at him to pick up his toys
Sit together on the couch with everyone for a little bit before bedtimes.
Bath for the preschooler.
New diaper for the baby.
Brushing teeth, and going potty
Bedtime for the kiddos.
Bring the computer up to bed and get all comfortable. Finally time to myself, that won't be interrupted.
Write for ten minutes and fall asleep with the computer on my stomach.

Wake up, and repeat.

I often dream of having teenagers, or maybe children that have all left the nest, then I'm sad, because I know it'll come all too quickly. So I protect the memories as much as I can, and I clean up the milk, and change the diapers, because that's my number one job. But every single day I look at the clock and think "How in the hell is it 4:30? I just woke up!"

Where, oh where does the time go???

Toodles!