Self Doubt

I hate second guessing myself. But, as a writer, it's impossible to avoid. I have this vicious cycle that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to break.

I'm drafting, I'm smiling, the world looks so full of hope because this is the one. This is the story that I'll stick with. After giving up on my last project for (insert excuse) this will be the one that makes it to the dreaded query trenches.

And then I start re-reading what I've written, and that hopeful world I've been living in comes crashing down around me. Don't mess with self doubt. It'll kick you in your lady nards and leave you crying in a huddled ball.

Why can't we just write, and be proud of what we're creating? I think every writer on this planet can understand what I'm talking about. Why is it our first instinct to say everything sucks? Chances are, it's not as bad as you think. I mean, if you spend thirty hours carefully planning out every twist and turn, what are the chances you have un-fixable plot holes? If you've revised three times, it probably doesn't deserve to be burned in the fireplace—no matter how badly you want to. And no matter what you're working on, throwing that computer against the wall is never, never the answer.

And yet, this is me, slipping into that deep dark place, four chapters into yet ANOTHER re-write of The Blood Train.

On the upside, I have the most amazing set of ladies in my critique group to pull me up out of that dark place. I'd be lost and very unproductive without them. So maybe the cure for self doubt is wonderful support...


Toodles,

Megan.

Getting Past The Major Cuts

Ok, so I'm relatively new at this editing thing. It's taken me a really long time to find a story I loved enough to finish, never mind edit.

You could call this a call to anyone who's got some editing experience. I need advice and I'll take it from just about anyone at this point.

My question is this: How do you get past that point where you feel like deleting thousands of words- or whole chapters- is necessary? At some point the big stuff has to end right? At some point I should move past this and start tweaking the little stuff, but I can't shake that feeling that I have to re-write the ending (which I've done twice) or the beginning (seven times) or reverse the order of chapter 3 and 4, etc. I can't seem to move past the big stuff.

Any tips? I know it can't be as screwed up as I think it is, especially since I've been working on it for two years and I'm in my second round of editing.

Do I just keep going until I realize the big "issues" are all gone?

Do I take a break from the chapter re-arranging and move on to little things for a while to get perspective?"

Am I completely losing my mind?

I'll answer that, I totally am.

Help??

A Day For Critique Partners

As a person who has probably abused my own critique partners with endless questions and drafts, I think we're missing a very important day. We celebrate dead Presidents for running our country, parents for raising us, best friends for supporting us, and Columbus... who mistook America for another continent entirely. 

At the very least critique partners should have a day before that guy. Right?

So here's a call to every writer out there who has ever valued that perfect stranger who became a fan and a friend at the same time. Here's to hours spent on someone else's labor of love. For all the advice, encouragement, tips, and opinions. If you have someone like this, you should make your own Day for Critique Partners. It doesn't matter what day it is, just pick a day and make sure they know they're valued.

Because without them... where would we be?

Here's mine. I know it's been a while, but I'd like to send a huge thank you to Lena and Celeste, wherever you are out there in the world. Thank you for everything.

Megan.

My Favorite Things About Writing

1. Creating new worlds.

2. Falling in love with my characters.

3. Making my characters falling in love with each other.

4. Having an excuse to blare music with noise cancelling headphones.

5. First kisses.

6. Wrapping up in a blanket, with my laptop, and a cup of tea.


7. Wracking my brain for tender romantic gestures.

8. Researching random things like the origins of wolfsbane, top speeds in various Maserati models, and the average temperature in different states in July.

9. Erasing parts I'm unsure of, and replacing them with parts I love.

10. Waking up in the middle of the night to write ideas down.

What are your favorite things about writing??

Where Does The Time Go?

To this day, I have no idea how I spend all the minutes of my day. Being a stay at home mom should have its perks, I should be able to take a second to write, or bake a cake, or fold some laundry, or, you know, eat?

Anyone that says it must be easy staying at home with your kids, has no idea what they're talking about. I wake up and think "Ok, today I've got to fold that huge pile of laundry, put it away, clean the kitchen, dust that horribly dirty entertainment center, and give the dog a bath." Five things that, when done from start to finish would only take me about an hour or two.

But instead, it goes a little like this:

Wake up.
Change baby's diaper
Open Preschoolers curtains
Turn off his nightlight
Pour cereal
Let the dog out
Make a piece of toast
Put a few dishes in the dishwasher
Let the dog back in
Turn on cartoons
Fold three or four shirts
Clean up spilled milk
Mix up some baby food
Clean off the baby's face, and hands, and elbows... and everything else
Fold a few more shirts, or pants, or whatever
Change another diaper
Grab a granola bar for the preschooler
Put in a kiddie movie
Finish folding the clothes
Yell at preschooler to stop climbing on the dog
Convince him to take a pile of his jeans to his room
Throw a few more plates in the dishwasher
Time for more baby food
Baby takes a nap, toddler starts jumping on the couch
Baby wakes up screaming in terror
Twenty minutes to calm the baby down
Ten minutes of Preschooler time out.
Let the dog out again
Peanut butter sandwich, or grilled cheese, or chicken nuggets, or soup for the preschooler
Wipe down kitchen counters
Change diaper
Rush another pile of clothes up the stairs
Wait for baby to fall asleep... she never does
Give up on giving the dog a bath
Lay on the floor with the baby so she gets some tummy time without screaming her head off
Switch the movie for the preschooler
Back to the floor
Yell at the dog to get off the preschooler
Yell at the preschooler to get off the dog
Send the dog outside, and the preschooler upstairs
Grab a quick sandwich for me to eat, first thing all day
Sit on the couch with the computer, trying to write for a few minutes, and spend the whole time listening to the preschooler explain why he only likes red and green gummy bears
Change another diaper
Make dinner, running back and forth between food and the baby until it's finished
Say a quick hello to The Husband when he gets home
Wipe up the stove and throw the leftovers in the fridge
Play Trouble with the preschooler
Nag at him to pick up his toys
Sit together on the couch with everyone for a little bit before bedtimes.
Bath for the preschooler.
New diaper for the baby.
Brushing teeth, and going potty
Bedtime for the kiddos.
Bring the computer up to bed and get all comfortable. Finally time to myself, that won't be interrupted.
Write for ten minutes and fall asleep with the computer on my stomach.

Wake up, and repeat.

I often dream of having teenagers, or maybe children that have all left the nest, then I'm sad, because I know it'll come all too quickly. So I protect the memories as much as I can, and I clean up the milk, and change the diapers, because that's my number one job. But every single day I look at the clock and think "How in the hell is it 4:30? I just woke up!"

Where, oh where does the time go???

Toodles!

Understanding Being A Writer

I've noticed over the last few years that the only people who really understand being a writer are other writers. I'll be agonizing over a huge plot hole or wondering how to make a character less annoying when I suddenly notice whoever I'd been talking to- be it my husband, mom, best friend, Starbucks lady- is rocking that glassy eyed look. You know the one, where they're there, and they physically hear you, but mentally they're a thousand miles away? And who can blame them really? It's the equivalent of trying to have a serious discussion about a movie they haven't even seen.

I think that's why having critique partners and following other writer blogs can be so helpful. You get to see everyone else pushing through the fog of novel writing and you're surrounded by people who actually understand.

But sometimes it can be so frustrating! All I want to do sometimes is sit and talk about my story without feeling like I'm imposing. Writing can be so hard without support... 

Who listens to you ramble? Do they do it willingly or are they like my husband- fighting an eye roll the whole time? :-)

Ah Revisions...

So I'm smack dab in the middle of my second week of revisions for Wolfy Love Story. Admittedly, this is new territory for me- since I have the attention span of a fruit fly and almost never see a story idea all the way through the end.

And I find I have several tasks ahead of me. Fist, and most importantly, I've got to go through and lengthen the parts I rushed and slow down the parts that drag on so the whole thing flows better, but that's much easier said than done.

What do you delete? What will you regret deleting? Does that part where the two MC's are having that heartfelt conversation at the beach really move the story along, or do you just like it?

It's really hard to find that balance. Even with feedback from a crit partner, but that's mostly because I'm always fighting that voice in my head that says "She just doesn't understand the characters as well as you do, that's why she doesn't think is necessary."

That little voice gets on my nerves about seven hundred and twelve times a day and there's no shutting her up.

I also have to figure out how to get from around 112,000 words to around 95,000, which is better than I expected. It would be a lot harder to chop out say, fifty thousand words, but when everything still feels vital, even five hundred is like tearing off your own skin.

Normally at this point I'd set Wolfy aside and  start on something else, but this story is so ridiculously stuck in my brain that I dream about wolf tracks in the sand, and I can't listen to country music without totally zoning out into that little coastal Maine town that lives in my mind. I even catch myself keeping track of how full the moon is!

So I'm in need of some tips! When you're wrapped up in a story like a raccoon caught in a fishing net, how do you distance yourself when taking time away just isn't an option yet? How do you separate the cute from the vital? How much of the love story can you sacrifice in favor of action before you lose the characters drive to do the things they do to save each other?